Monday, August 1, 2022

Why Marriages Turn Into Wars

Monday, August 1, 2022

Wives, submit to your husbands, as is fitting for those who belong to the Lord.  Husbands, love your wives and never treat them harshly.  Colossians 3:18-19

As a precautionary measure, let me say up front:  this might get ugly.  Also allow me to mention that I’ve been in trouble before, because I wrote, preached, and counseled in favor of Biblical marriage.  That being said, let me introduce you to my dear friend, the Apostle Paul, also no stranger to being in trouble.  With one word Paul stirred two millennia of arguments over marriage; that word:  submit!

The problem is a matter of understanding the banquet table of perspective Paul spread out for those contemplating living together as God intended.  It is often said that you cannot build an entire theology of living on one passage of Scripture.  (It’s said mostly by preachers who want to survive being employed while telling the truth).  What that means is too many people assume the worst before they truly understand the perspective.  I say that to (at least) gain a hearing for these five minutes.  After that you can take me to the hangman if you’re so-inclined.

Paul’s troublesome word “submit” is abhorrent in today’s culture, especially in a time when equality police are everywhere.  The problem is many people don’t wait for the context, or perspective.  Submitting is not subservience, or admission of a woman being weaker than a man.  Rather, in context, and in light of all the other stuff Paul wrote about women and men, it is a matter of entrusting common sense to the woman.  It isn’t a lower respect for women’s ability, intellect, or place…it’s recognition that mutual respect must start somewhere.  Paul understands that men are less likely to begin there.  But if you’re having trouble wrapping your mind around anything Paul writes as being less than sexist, or antiquated gender-bashing, let his signature sentence to the Galatian believers roll around your perspective indicator for just a moment:

There is no longer Jew or Gentile, slave or free, male and female[1].  For you are all one in Christ Jesus.  Galatians 3:28

So, why (begging the question of today’s topic) do many marriages turn into war?  The answer is both a male and female failure to live together fulfilling their role, rather than trying to protect their turf.  Imagine a man winning the affection of a woman.  Then, after successfully convincing her to marry him (making all his dreams come true), tries to live as independently as the bachelor…while still claiming his “status” as a husband.  Imagine the woman planning and pulling-off the elaborate dream wedding (putting every strain possible on the credit score).  She then starts working on arranging the rest of their lives according to what that romantic moment looked like when she was the center of attention under that veil.  This Mars vs. Venus approach is the perfect storm setting for winding-up in divorce court, where the only benefit is to the 401K of the lawyers.

Rearrange the thinking to a man and a woman who listen to Apostle Paul’s Godly advice.  The man, moving heaven and earth to love his wife (read that:  do that which will support her in being the strongest, most excellent woman possible).  That kind of man will trust, help, comfort, console when down, cheer when accomplishing…and you’ve got that picture.  And, for the submit issue?  There isn’t an issue when a woman’s got a man like that!

For You Today

Love begins not with a kiss, and the short-path to the bedroom, as seen on most of Hollywood’s theological porn.  Love begins when there is mutual submission to God’s ways.

You chew on that as you hit the Rocky Road; have a blessed day!

Go to VIDEO (read by author)

There are about 2,000 devotional posts in the Rocky Road Devotions library. 

To dig deeper on today’s topic read:  The Strength of a Marriage  and  Two Rings

[1] Images:  Pixabay.com and Pixabay  and Pixabay  Unless noted, Scripture quoted from The New Living Translation©  


[1] Emphasis added

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