Communicating...Sorta

Tuesday, May 9, 2023

Disclaimer:  Gentlemen…Mother’s Day is at hand….there…you’re warned!

But there is one thing I want you to know:  The head of every man is Christ, the head of woman is man, and the head of Christ is God.  1 Corinthians 11:3

It is my belief that men really do want to communicate; contrary to the stereotypes that you see, where the husband has the newspaper up over his face at the kitchen table.  Everything the wife says to him, he grunts a response.  Men aren't that way deep down.  This is a stereotype produced by ignorance.  But, sometimes it shows up in our character, and then in the funny papers.  Leroy and Loretta Lockhorn are walking down the street, and he says to her:  Let's go some place noisy where we can't hear each other.  I don't believe men are really like that; I believe men want to communicate.  Men realize the importance of communication.  The tricky part is doing it! 

Communication is not an exact science.  Women communicate differently than men.  The Bible says we must speak the truth in love.  I believe that to be a bit of Apostle Paul’s advice that applies to both male and female.  By that I mean men and women both believe it; they just practice it differently.  The men relate to the part that says speak the truth.  The women concentrate on in love.  Men are interested in logic, the right brain problem solving mechanism.  Women, however, don't just want truth and problems solved; it must be in a loving way.  Women want to talk about things.  When I arrive home from a day at the office, if my wife has a problem, she wants to discuss it.  There is something therapeutic for her in sharing.  I am a problem-solving machine.  She states the problem, I immediately have a six-point program, complete with intermediate reporting steps and accountability factors to fix that puppy!  And I think I'm doing real well...man I'm communicating!  After dutifully listening for several minutes, my wife loses interest and busies herself in making dinner.  I wonder what in the world I did to make her mad.  Lack of communication. 

We were talking about the same event, but I was bulldozing it out of existence, while she wanted to squeeze every last drop of meaning from the depths of all relationships involved.

In Brewer, Maine, the police got a phone call one time about a woman who was very disturbed.  She was talking to a lady friend of hers on the phone.  After a while the phone just went quiet and all she could hear was gasping breaths in the distance.  She couldn't get her friend to respond.  The police sent a patrol car.  The cop knocked on the door, but could get no response.  She went around to the side and looked in the kitchen window.  There was the woman, spread-eagle on the floor, with the phone next to her.  She thought:  Oh my gosh, she's had a heart attack and died right there!  She was going to break in the door, but knocked just in case there was another family member in the house somewhere.  When the door opened, it was the woman who was laying in the kitchen.  She explained, I'm so sorry.  I guess we were talking too long on the phone.  I laid down on the floor to rest a moment and fell asleep while Hattie was talkin' to me.  (As a preacher I can relate!)

For You Today 

Men need to practice communicating, not dictating orders, solving everybody's problems, being the general in the house.  If a man desires to be called head of the house he will take the time to learn how to communicate with his wife.

You chew on that as you hit the Rocky Road; have a blessed day!

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There are about 2,500 devotional posts and 400 sermons in the Rocky Road Devotions library.  To dig deeper explore some of these:   No Cannoli  and  A Misunderstanding   

Title Image:  via Pixabay.com   Images without citation are in public domain.

Unless noted, Scripture quoted from The New Living Translation^©   

An Everlasting Love

Wednesday, November 23, 2022

“In that day,” says the Lord, “I will be the God of all the families of Israel, and they will be my people.  This is what the Lord says:  “Those who survive the coming destruction will find blessings even in the barren land, for I will give rest to the people of Israel.”  Long ago the Lord said to Israel:  “I have loved you, my people, with an everlasting love.  With unfailing love I have drawn you to myself.  I will rebuild you, my virgin Israel.  You will again be happy and dance merrily with your tambourines.  Again you will plant your vineyards on the mountains of Samaria and eat from your own gardens there.  The day will come when watchmen will shout from the hill country of Ephraim, ‘Come, let us go up to Jerusalem to worship the Lord our God.’”  

Jeremiah 31:1-6

My Mom and Dad were married for more than 60 years.  Dad was always the one who had a funny line (or corny joke).  One of his favorites was telling how, when they first met, Cecilia wanted nothing to do with Elwood.  Then, Dad, with a telling twinkle in his eyes would smile and say:  Yeah…she didn’t like me, but I chased and chased her until she caught me!  Inscribed on the inside of their wedding rings were just two letters, O.F.  Those engravings were the first letters of the words, Only Forever.  Their marriage was not built entirely on sentimental emotion, but the kind of commitment tied to the very last breath God would give them.  It stuck, and I was blessed to have grown up in a family with that kind of commitment and example.  It was a very present assurance, throughout my life, and to the end of theirs, the knowledge, through thick and thin times, without much of this world’s trinkets or position, we always had each other. 

God’s prophet, Jeremiah, reminded Israel with another two words:  coming destruction. There were incredibly difficult times on their horizon.  Blood would be spilled, and freedom would vanish.  They would be at their captor’s whim, serving as slaves to a heartless and evil despot. 

Then Jeremiah delivered the punchline:  their God loved them with a love that was stronger than any captivity or national disaster!  His love was everlasting, never to fade like fickle passions.  No matter what may come, God would be there, and hope was real.

Jeremiah was part of Israel’s hope.  His presence and faithful ways manifested the love and promises of God all the way through the captivities.  Although the prophet himself never saw another day of liberty in his earthly life, God’s promises he’d shared with Israel became the reality of their eventual freedom.  And that everlasting love still stands for God’s beloved nation…and will stand throughout eternity.

For You Today  

The promises of God are eternal, and without wavering.  Here is one of those promises you can count on, because God’s beloved Son, Jesus offered it:

Then Jesus said, “Come to me, all of you who are weary and carry heavy burdens, and I will give you rest.  Matthew 11:28

You chew on that as you hit the Rocky Road; have a blessed day!

Go to VIDEO (read by author)

There are about 2,000 devotional posts and 400 sermons in the Rocky Road Devotions library.  To dig deeper on today’s topic, explore some of these: 

       Giving Thanks   and   The View of Forever Right Now

Images: Title image Pixabay.com Images without citation are either personal property of the author, or in public domain.

Unless noted, Scripture quoted from The New Living Translation^©   

Why Marriages Turn Into Wars

Monday, August 1, 2022

Wives, submit to your husbands, as is fitting for those who belong to the Lord.  Husbands, love your wives and never treat them harshly.  Colossians 3:18-19

As a precautionary measure, let me say up front:  this might get ugly.  Also allow me to mention that I’ve been in trouble before, because I wrote, preached, and counseled in favor of Biblical marriage.  That being said, let me introduce you to my dear friend, the Apostle Paul, also no stranger to being in trouble.  With one word Paul stirred two millennia of arguments over marriage; that word:  submit!

The problem is a matter of understanding the banquet table of perspective Paul spread out for those contemplating living together as God intended.  It is often said that you cannot build an entire theology of living on one passage of Scripture.  (It’s said mostly by preachers who want to survive being employed while telling the truth).  What that means is too many people assume the worst before they truly understand the perspective.  I say that to (at least) gain a hearing for these five minutes.  After that you can take me to the hangman if you’re so-inclined.

Paul’s troublesome word “submit” is abhorrent in today’s culture, especially in a time when equality police are everywhere.  The problem is many people don’t wait for the context, or perspective.  Submitting is not subservience, or admission of a woman being weaker than a man.  Rather, in context, and in light of all the other stuff Paul wrote about women and men, it is a matter of entrusting common sense to the woman.  It isn’t a lower respect for women’s ability, intellect, or place…it’s recognition that mutual respect must start somewhere.  Paul understands that men are less likely to begin there.  But if you’re having trouble wrapping your mind around anything Paul writes as being less than sexist, or antiquated gender-bashing, let his signature sentence to the Galatian believers roll around your perspective indicator for just a moment:

There is no longer Jew or Gentile, slave or free, male and female[1].  For you are all one in Christ Jesus.  Galatians 3:28

So, why (begging the question of today’s topic) do many marriages turn into war?  The answer is both a male and female failure to live together fulfilling their role, rather than trying to protect their turf.  Imagine a man winning the affection of a woman.  Then, after successfully convincing her to marry him (making all his dreams come true), tries to live as independently as the bachelor…while still claiming his “status” as a husband.  Imagine the woman planning and pulling-off the elaborate dream wedding (putting every strain possible on the credit score).  She then starts working on arranging the rest of their lives according to what that romantic moment looked like when she was the center of attention under that veil.  This Mars vs. Venus approach is the perfect storm setting for winding-up in divorce court, where the only benefit is to the 401K of the lawyers.

Rearrange the thinking to a man and a woman who listen to Apostle Paul’s Godly advice.  The man, moving heaven and earth to love his wife (read that:  do that which will support her in being the strongest, most excellent woman possible).  That kind of man will trust, help, comfort, console when down, cheer when accomplishing…and you’ve got that picture.  And, for the submit issue?  There isn’t an issue when a woman’s got a man like that!

For You Today

Love begins not with a kiss, and the short-path to the bedroom, as seen on most of Hollywood’s theological porn.  Love begins when there is mutual submission to God’s ways.

You chew on that as you hit the Rocky Road; have a blessed day!

Go to VIDEO (read by author)

There are about 2,000 devotional posts in the Rocky Road Devotions library. 

To dig deeper on today’s topic read:  The Strength of a Marriage  and  Two Rings

[1] Images:  Pixabay.com and Pixabay  and Pixabay  Unless noted, Scripture quoted from The New Living Translation^©  

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[1] Emphasis added

A Christian Marriage

 

1 Corinthians 7:39

Tuesday, February 2, 2021

A wife is bound to her husband as long as he lives.  If her husband dies, she is free to marry anyone she wishes, but only if he loves the Lord.

This year will mark the 40^th anniversary of my ordination to the Gospel ministry.  In that time I have been asked to officiate many weddings.  I only bowed-out once, and the reason was of Biblical conscience, not expediency.  It was a matter of faith; more accurately, a lack of faith.  The bride-to-be was a professing member of the church, and the groom-to-be was not.  It came out in the first counselling time that the groom was a practicing agnostic.  He was a nice guy, the kind you’d like to hang-out with, and not particularly antagonistic towards faith, he just had no interest.  He said he’d never stand in the way of her faith, but just didn’t choose to be involved.

Enter the advice of St. Paul.  The whole idea of marriage is knitting two souls together, not just sharing a name, or obtaining a common address.  

One of the symbols for marriage[1] is a heart with two intertwined rings, with a cross at the center.  This image pictures what Scripture describes as two people loving the Lord together.  Of course, living in a land where freedom of choice is held in much higher esteem than any words written in an ancient book, the couple had a hard time accepting what I tried to share with them, that they were asking God to bless something which God does not accept…the joining of light and darkness. 

Don’t team up with those who are unbelievers.  How can righteousness be a partner with wickedness? How can light live with darkness?  2 Corinthians 6:14

It has been long held by many theologians that Paul’s first letter to the believers at Corinth raised so many questions, his second letter was in answer to their letter asking for explanation.  As a church full of new converts, this is anticipated; they had asked Paul for guidance in marriage and family life. 

As with the couple I counseled sometimes the truth is more than you want to hear.  And, from this side of the counseling room, it is also not an easy truth to speak.  There were many tears shed, and that turned into anger.  It was not pretty.  The bride-to-be expected a perfunctory session of a few platitudes, and then let’s get to the real business of planning the flowers and reception.  Having the preacher tell her she was making a mistake was more than a surprise, it turned everything upside down.  What she couldn’t see is that God was showing her the right-side-up.  She had this perfect Hallmark snapshot in her head of a wedding day, with her being the center of attention, and all the adoring looks and comments that would come her way.  She was thinking of a festive, happy wedding day; she hadn’t considered all the other days of marriage that would follow.  But God wanted her to focus on what a life and soul shared with an unbeliever would be like.  She could not stand for that and eventually left the church. 

I heard later that the couple did marry (and divorced shortly after).  I write this not to gloat or be proved right.  God’s Word is always true and right; the likes of me is hardly needed to validate what Jehovah has already pronounced.  I merely hoped to head off the misery the couple was courting.  As a minister who is charged to love the sheep and tell the flock God’s truth, I could do no less.  In retrospect I can truthfully report that I felt no joy in any of it.  But one can scarcely feel guilty for telling the truth.

For You Today

If you are planning a wedding…or it’s much later and you’re planning on exiting a marriage…it might be the best investment of your time to stop and consider if you’ve being looking for the best-looking, best-providing, or best-whatever kind of mate, rather than the kind of person you admire for his or her commitment to Christ. 

The fact remains…you can choose an “unequal yoke” of being a believer married to an unbeliever, but you will also be choosing against God’s perfect will for your life.

You chew on that as you hit the Rocky Road; have a blessed day!

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[1] Title Image: Courtesy of Pixabay.com   Unless noted, Scripture quoted from The New Living Translation^©

For another post on Numbers 22 see The Strength of a Marriage and Follow the Leader 

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[1] The image is from Worldwide Marriage Encounter

 

The Unraveled Home

 

Wednesday, December 9, 2020

Are we not all children of the same Father?  Are we not all created by the same God?  Then why do we betray each other, violating the covenant of our ancestors?  Judah has been unfaithful, and a detestable thing has been done in Israel and in Jerusalem.  The men of Judah have defiled the Lord’s beloved sanctuary by marrying women who worship idols.  May the Lord cut off from the nation of Israel every last man who has done this and yet brings an offering to the Lord of Heaven’s Armies.  Here is another thing you do.  You cover the Lord’s altar with tears, weeping and groaning because he pays no attention to your offerings and doesn’t accept them with pleasure.  You cry out, “Why doesn’t the Lord accept my worship?”  I’ll tell you why!  Because the Lord witnessed the vows you and your wife made when you were young. But you have been unfaithful to her, though she remained your faithful partner, the wife of your marriage vows.  Didn’t the Lord make you one with your wife?  In body and spirit you are his.  And what does he want?  Godly children from your union.  So guard your heart; remain loyal to the wife of your youth.  “For I hate divorce!” says the Lord, the God of Israel.  “To divorce your wife is to overwhelm her with cruelty,” says the Lord of Heaven’s Armies.  “So guard your heart; do not be unfaithful to your wife.”  You have wearied the Lord with your words.  “How have we wearied him?” you ask.  You have wearied him by saying that all who do evil are good in the Lord’s sight, and he is pleased with them.  You have wearied him by asking, “Where is the God of justice?”  “Look! I am sending my messenger, and he will prepare the way before me.  Then the Lord you are seeking will suddenly come to his Temple.  The messenger of the covenant, whom you look for so eagerly, is surely coming,” says the Lord of Heaven’s Armies.                            Malachi 2:10 – 3:1

A pastor acquaintance admitted to me of intentionally never preaching on the home and marriage because it was too controversial.  I reflected on that for a long time, and still don’t get it.  A pastor doesn’t get to pick the safe sermons – just ask any of the prophets, or apostles…better still, ask God if that’s OK.

As a confirmed introvert who despises conflict and confrontation, I do “get” the tendency to shy away from the hard topics, such as discord in the home, and the resultant divorce statistics now at incredible levels.  I get it, but what I don’t get is to choose to walk away from reading Malachi’s sermon out loud here. 

Now, I am not without compassion; any divorce is tragic and a heavy burden which will have lifetime consequences.  I’ve never experienced going through divorce, but I have listened long and often to others’ tales of woe.  The consequences and weight of ending a marriage and family home are judgment enough. 

But the fact remains:  Whatever the circumstances (and how they’re handled), those who once created a home by getting married, but now choose to end that home’s possibilities by divorce, Malachi’s words about God’s assessment are not unclear, God hates divorce.  More precisely, God hates it because of what it does to those he loves, both in the home, and in the greater community. 

The trap for most preachers, who have the temerity to speak on this problem of homes unravelling in our culture, is to get into the loopholes.  Those are the his fault, or her fault excuses for WHY the home came unglued.  In as kind a way as I can put this, that is not the issue.  The issue is THAT the home came unglued; that is what God hates.  God’s plan is for us to allow marriage to increase holiness both toward God, and towards each other, both those who form the home, and the communities in which those homes reside. 

Today the cultural mindset of marriage is too often a silly romanticism that imagines Snow White and her Prince riding off into the sunset for an extended vacation at a Caribbean resort.  When the perfect life image fades into work schedules, bill-paying, babies, and other non-fairy tale tough issues, the default is to get out quickly…he wasn’t much of a Prince Charming; she wasn’t very Snow White-ish. 

For You Today

Can we connect the dots?  The American home is unraveled quickly and almost without a second thought these days.  Could there be a connection with why American culture is also coming unglued?  When that which forms a structure is built on a slipshod foundation, that house will eventually crumble. 

Conclusion:  Forget investing $20K on a wedding and dream honeymoon; put your energy into learning how to be a God-honoring spouse.

You chew on that as you hit the Rocky Road; have a blessed day!

GO TO VIDEO

Title image, Pixabay.com and    W   Unless noted, Scripture quoted from The New Living Translation^©

For other posts on Marrige and Home see:  The Best Man Gives the Toast and The Strength of a Marriage  

 

Promise of the Rainbow

 

Monday, May 18, 2020

Genesis 9:8-17

Then God told Noah and his sons, “I hereby confirm my covenant with you and your descendants, and with all the animals that were on the boat with you—the birds, the livestock, and all the wild animals—every living creature on earth.  Yes, I am confirming my covenant with you.  Never again will floodwaters kill all living creatures; never again will a flood destroy the earth.”  Then God said, “I am giving you a sign of my covenant with you and with all living creatures, for all generations to come.  I have placed my rainbow in the clouds.  It is the sign of my covenant with you and with all the earth.  When I send clouds over the earth, the rainbow will appear in the clouds, and I will remember my covenant with you and with all living creatures.  Never again will the floodwaters destroy all life.  When I see the rainbow in the clouds, I will remember the eternal covenant between God and every living creature on earth.”  Then God said to Noah, “Yes, this rainbow is the sign of the covenant I am confirming with all the creatures on earth.”

The picture today is one my daughter took at the beach in Jacksonville, Florida this past Mother’s Day.  I’m not sure I’ve ever seen a rainbow from a perspective where you’re able to see the whole bow, ground-to-sky-to-ground, the full rainbow.  Mostly I see parts of rainbows, sometimes just a hint, and sometimes a half. 

This is so like the promises and miracles of God.  There are times you see just a hint that God crossed your path and left a blessing.  At other times you’re blown-away by the sheer magnitude of the gift and the power that is behind all of what He does in your life, because you get the full picture, and it leaves no doubt as to just how awesome and gracious is the God of Abraham, Isaac and Jacob…and little me.

I’m a lot older than I used to be, and at this stage of life you look back…a lot!  The gift of a family that still loves me, challenged by distance – not just the social distancing of late, but hundreds of miles and several states – well, it’s just a miracle gift and blessing, of which I can’t claim any credit.  I look at my bride and there’s a rainbow that stretches to this day from that first glance in a high school corridor back in 1964.  And in that glance there was a rainbow of promise; I couldn’t recognize it then, but I can see God’s hand though the years. 

We married a year and a half after graduating high school; I was just a week away from leaving for serving in Vietnam.  We would spend the next year only “seeing” each other in letters.  Three children, nine grands, and several great-grandchildren later, Elizabeth is still my closest, longest, and most needed relationship on this planet.  The best of all is she is aware, and approves the fact that she is still #2 in my life and allegiance, second only to Jesus. 

We live with problems, challenges of difficult circumstances, and bodies that don’t hold together nearly as good as they used to, nor as well as our minds (stuck at age 25 thinking) demand.  But that is not proof of the absence of God’s love or care; to be certain, it is just the opposite.  Our challenges in the autumn of life are like God’s rainbows, colorful, and covering the sky from time to time.  But they are not as painful as I once imagined they would be at this age.  They are more like rainbow reminders of the strength of God’s good promises, both here, on this planet, with mercies and strength as our day demands, and a foreshadow of splendor for the day after my last today…the eternity of joy with all the family I’ve had here on earth, and wonderful surprises, gifts, and eternal joy in my new home in glory, close to the One whose love I have only just begun to appreciate!

For You Today

I have a new passage of Scripture that I depend upon to center my heart and life as each morning dawns…it comes from (of all places), the Lamentations of Jeremiah:

The faithful love of the Lord never ends!  His mercies never cease.  Great is his faithfulness; his mercies begin afresh each morning.  I say to myself, “The Lord is my inheritance; therefore, I will hope in him!”  Lamentations 3:22-24

You chew on that as you hit the Rocky Road today.  Have a blessed day!

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Title Image:  Carrie Brownworth Wynne (with permission)

Unless noted, Scripture quoted from The New Living Translation©

For other posts on Genesis 9 see Promise Over the Power and  Lenten Walk - Part 16 and  Covenant Sign