Waiting in Pain

[i]

Monday, February 25, 2019

O Lord, don’t rebuke me in your anger or discipline me in your rage!  Your arrows have struck deep, and your blows are crushing me.  Because of your anger, my whole body is sick; my health is broken because of my sins.  My guilt overwhelms me—it is a burden too heavy to bear.  My wounds fester and stink because of my foolish sins.  I am bent over and racked with pain.  All day long I walk around filled with grief.  A raging fever burns within me, and my health is broken.  I am exhausted and completely crushed.  My groans come from an anguished heart.  You know what I long for, Lord; you hear my every sigh.  My heart beats wildly, my strength fails, and I am going blind.  My loved ones and friends stay away, fearing my disease.  Even my own family stands at a distance.  Meanwhile, my enemies lay traps to kill me.  Those who wish me harm make plans to ruin me.  All day long they plan their treachery.  But I am deaf to all their threats.  I am silent before them as one who cannot speak.  I choose to hear nothing, and I make no reply.  For I am waiting for you, O Lord.  You must answer for me, O Lord my God.  I prayed, “Don’t let my enemies gloat over me or rejoice at my downfall.”  I am on the verge of collapse, facing constant pain.  But I confess my sins; I am deeply sorry for what I have done.  I have many aggressive enemies; they hate me without reason.  They repay me evil for good and oppose me for pursuing good.  Do not abandon me, O Lord.  Do not stand at a distance, my God.  Come quickly to help me, O Lord my savior.  Psalm 38:1-22(NLT)

Waiting is always hard; just ask a 4-year-old who is trying to go to sleep on Christmas Eve.  But waiting when you’re in pain and have no answers is the hardest assignment known to humankind.  And what makes it harder is when the heavens seem silent and indifferent to your pain.

King David understood his life was on the verge of collapse, physically, mentally, and, worst of all, spiritually.  Relationships, respect, and his very life were at an all-consuming low.  He’d offended God, and everyone imaginable, and he was paying for his sins in overwhelming, consummate grief; David existed just a breath away from all kinds of death, with an elephant sitting on his chest, laughing at how the former conquering darling of Israel, now struggled to get just one more filling of air into his lungs.  The words describing his anguish roll like an inventory of judgment:  crushed, groaning, heartbroken, convicted, weakness, dim vision, disinterested, pursued, trapped…and forsaken.  He was waiting in pain with no answers.  In response to David’s circumstances was that thundering silence of the absence of hope.  He knew there was no way out. 

Amid this Psalmist’s prayer we hear the cry of desperation:  You know what I long for, Lord; David longed for an end to it all.  The only question was how long will this take, and how shall it end?  Visions of a whole bottle of pills danced through David’s imagination; or would it be falling on his sword, or an enemy’s sneak attack while he slept, or perhaps just start the chariot in the closed garage and wait for the fumes to do their blessed work.

The prayer came quickly at the end, but it was attached to a lifetime of having placed himself firmly, unquestionably in God’s hands.  David, despite his sin and shame that the whole nation knew, was still a man after God’s own heart[ii] and he was committed to not speaking another word in this life if God didn’t answer.  His prayer was four words long:  COME   CLOSE    QUICKLY    SAVIOR!

That was it; no defenses, no excuses, no bargains, no claim of victim status; David knew his condition was his responsibility; he had no mitigation to offer as reasonable, and knew he needed the mercy of God; he only asked forgiveness.

And in the end, he got just that…and more:

Oh, what joy for those whose disobedience is forgiven, whose sin is put out of sight!  Yes, what joy for those whose record the Lord has cleared of guilt, whose lives are lived in complete honesty!  When I refused to confess my sin, my body wasted away, and I groaned all day long.  Day and night your hand of discipline was heavy on me.  My strength evaporated like water in the summer heat.  Interlude  Finally, I confessed all my sins to you and stopped trying to hide my guilt.  I said to myself, “I will confess my rebellion to the Lord.”  And you forgave me! All my guilt is gone.  Psalm 32:1-5(NLT)

For You Today

Need we even say it?  Confession IS GOOD for the soul!

You chew on that as you hit the Rocky Road; have a blessed day.

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[i] Title Image:  via Pixabay.com

[ii] Acts 13:22

Old Brooms & Common Sense

[i]

Monday, March 6, 2017

Oh, what joy for those whose disobedience is forgiven, whose sin is put out of sight!  Yes, what joy for those whose record the Lord has cleared of guilt, whose lives are lived in complete honesty!  When I refused to confess my sin, my body wasted away, and I groaned all day long.  Day and night your hand of discipline was heavy on me.  My strength evaporated like water in the summer heat.  Interlude

Finally, I confessed all my sins to you and stopped trying to hide my guilt.  I said to myself, “I will confess my rebellion to the Lord.”  And you forgave me!  All my guilt is gone.  Psalm 32:1-5^(NLT)

I’m not exactly certain where I first heard the expression, but I’d be surprised if it wasn’t my grandmother.  I can just imagine it falling from her lips:

A new broom sweeps clean, but an old broom knows the corners!

I was reminded of this bit of wisdom a few days ago after severe wind and rain deposited a bunch of tree stuff on our back patio.  That patio has a brick border, and the little niches and corners formed by a zillion bricks just cannot be swept clean with a new broom…for that you need a broom that has tried many times to get into tight spaces.  The contour of straws shortened into corner-shaped wedges can get into tight spaces, the likes of which a new, fresh-cut broom can only dream.  An old broom may be battered, unseemly and humble, but it has learned the ways of corners which hide the dirt.  A new broom is generally in too much of a hurry to get into such places.

King David was a new broom kind of guy when it came to confessing his sins to God.  He had not learned to get in the deep recesses, the corners of his pride, until an old broom named Samuel pointed out the dirt stored up there. 

Psalm 32 is David revealing what happened when he tried to hide his sins from God; the short re-telling of his physical weariness, emotional bankruptcy, and every other kind of pain shows what a wasted effort it is when we are anything but totally honest with God.  David is finally worn-down like a new broom becoming a wiser old broom.  His strength to keep up appearances of a clean house, when his hidden corners are piled with the mess of life, wears away his pride and ability to keep up the pretense.   David finally breaks, because David had nowhere else to go. 

And his confession is accepted by God because being worn-down under the heavy hand of God’s discipline finally bent the straws of David’s life into a corner-shaped broom that was not afraid to get into the shadowy darkness of his hidden spaces.  He hauled every mud ball, twig and dust mite of his corner-hidden sins out for God to see and forgive.

The reason David had nowhere else to go with his sins is because the loving heart of God uses the heavy hand of God to push the child of God into a place where the grace of God can finally shine such a light on our dirty corners, we have to throw down our new brooms of pride and pick up the old wise broom of grace.

For You Today

Do you remember that worn-out old broom of grace?

Lent is a time to get in the corners.

You chew on that as you hit the Rocky Road…have a blessed day!

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NOTES

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Title image: Russell Brownworth (own work)