Friday, August 28, 2026
Wives, submit to your husbands as to the
Lord, because the husband is the head of the wife as Christ is the
head of the church. He is the Savior of the body. Now as the church
submits to Christ, so also wives are to submit to their husbands in
everything. Husbands, love your wives, just as
Christ loved the church and gave himself for her to make her
holy, cleansing her with the washing of water by the word. Ephesians 5:22-26
Today is my bride’s birthday, so
I am dedicating this post in honor of her memory. In today’s cultural unending ideas and
opinions (most strongly held, mind you), nothing I say/write in the next few
sentences is going to escape someone’s wrath.
If there are approximately fourteen-gazillion different opinions on what
makes up a family, there are at least that many ways you can offend most of the
world’s 8.3 billion residents by holding forth a singular form as ideal, or “better”
than theirs. Yet, says the preacher with
a level tone who is about to do just that; so, here I go.
Under each level of “order” there is a Scripture reference to support the pecking order. I have no problem with most of it. Starting at the top of the chart, any Christian who takes the faith seriously would nod in the affirmative that God designed family with Christ as the central and leading influence of a family for the best outcome of that family’s moral and spiritual health and well-being, and for this world’s communal harmony. Note, please, that I fully support the role of husband as “leader, protector, provider”, and wife as “helper, nurturer, teacher”. The children’s role of “love, obey, honor” is also good! (Especially the “obey” part!)
So, preacher, where is the
rub? What’s wrong? I’m glad you asked.
I do not know where this chart
of “Biblical order” came from, nor do I know if there was any accompanying explanation,
including footnotes, bibliography, flow charts, or authorship credentials. But I recognize the demagoguery the image
presents. It has to do with the image
presenting a top-down, no discussion needed or allowed, chain-of-command
mentality, with the husband as commander in chief. Now, before you start the engines running on email
and chat room responses that would blister the paint on the walls, let me
clarify.
I do not take issue with all the
chart’s maxims. But what I do question
is the visual representation of the husband/father over
the wife/mother, which (to me) coveys a blank-check kind of authority, which
Apostle Paul clearly refutes when he admonishes husbands to love their wives as
Christ loved the church. How did Jesus
love the church? He gave his blood to
give His bride (the church…us) life! There
is the “rub” for a top-dog, husband/father’s word is final, no questions
asked leadership role. Rather,
the husband and wife are to become one, unified, unselfish team. The one word which describes what both
husband and wife are to live, breathe, and commit to in a marriage is servanthood. Husband as dictator is hardly what God had in
mind when he created Adam, and then creating Eve as a lowly subject. Leadership…yes, but servant…foremost. As followers of Christ, we serve one Lord,
and each other.
There is way too much fleshing
out needed here of the skeleton of marital relationship principle for a
four-minute post. So let me just offer
an example.
Elizabeth and I married in 1967,
and it was not long after that we settled the principle for our life together –
that there were two servants in our relationship. All decisions were a matter of shared wisdom
and responsibility. We cared about what
each other could contribute to our future and our family. We cared about serving Christ together and
serving each other. We had our
differences, and sometimes those different opinions were strongly held. Elizabeth believed what Apostle Paul wrote
about the husband being in the “headship” role; and Russell believed that
headship included being held to a higher responsibility and
accountability.
When we could not find a common
ground upon which to agree, she would offer a gift to God, by deferring to my
choice. And every time she did that, I
recognized what that gift meant – putting aside her preference was an act of
faith, that God would honor her submission, and give me wisdom to make a Godly
choice.
Of course, not every decision made
that way resulted in a Hallmark movie ending, where everything came out like
Christmas Day. Sometimes Russell’s
choice would have been better served to do it Elizabeth’s way. Sometimes those charged with leadership make
terrible decisions. And sometimes
followers make terrible decisions.
But the bottom line is that our
marriage began with Reverend Bardsley offering a prayer over our heads, with knees
bent at the altar…that prayer where the two become one, and together we commit
to honor each other and Christ with our lives.
That marriage bond lasted nearly 58 years, until we said goodbye with family
gathered around her bedside, praying.
For You Today
The takeaway here has nothing to
do with a flow chart of responsibility suggesting chain-of-command, with
Scripture to reinforce the rules. It is
a matter of commitment to Godly principles in every action and intention of our
lives to be servants, to each other, and primarily to Christ.
So,
husband, wife, ditch the command flow chart, pick up the towel and basin, and SERVE!
You
chew on that as you hit the Rocky Road; have a blessed day!
[1] Title and Other Image Pixabay. Unless noted, Scripture quoted from The Christian Standard Bible©
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