A
gentle answer deflects anger, but harsh words make tempers flare. Proverbs 15:1
--- The Word of God for us, the People of God ---
Jacob
and Esau (for me) are two names that, once said, immediately raise the thought,
Oh, I know that story. There’s the deception of their father, Isaac,
who is nearly blind and cannot recognize the younger son who is impersonating
the eldest, the one entitled to the birthright and double blessing. Jacob steals both and must leave town because
his brother is madder than a hornet’s nest.
So Jacob the trickster sneaks out of town in the middle of the night and
runs to his Uncle Laban’s place, spends the next 20 years there manipulating
his way into getting rich.
In
time, Jacob meets his cousin, Rachel, and wants to marry her, but she has an
older unmarried sister, Leah, who isn’t exactly the prom queen. Laban agrees to the match, but on the wedding
day, he switches the brides; Jacob gets a veiled Leah to marry. After the wedding Jacob discovers this, and
now his Uncle, who is now also his father-in-law, turns the table on the
trickster and makes him agree to work for him another 7 years to have the right
to marry Rachel.
Jacob
learned a lesson from Laban that he desperately needed:
Those who live by deception eventually
get deceived.
So,
Jacob has worked twenty years, gotten married twice, and then God instructs him
to leave town again, go back home. Once again
Jacob leaves town in the middle of the night because this time his cousins are
angry over the way Jacob was getting rich right under their noses, while he’s
supposed to be working for Laban.
Having
made just about everyone in the family mad at him at some point, Jacob is a man
without a family to call home. He’s
headed back to where he used to call home, but has no idea if Esau is still
ticked at him. The night before crossing
the last river (Jabbok), Jacob realizes he’s at the point of no return. Messengers tell him his brother, Esau, has
heard of Jacob’s return, and now, accompanied by 400 men, Esau is coming
Jacob’s way to meet his deceiving little brother. With nowhere else to turn, Jacob lays down
his head to try to sleep, and is confronted by an angel of God.
A wrestling match ensues, lasting until just about daybreak. The angel tells Jacob to let go, or he would
die with the breaking of dawn. Jacob,
now fully past the point of depending on his own wiles and wits, decides to let
God be the boss. He refused to let the
angel go until he received the blessing.
That blessing came in the form of two doors.
This
story of two brothers has to do with the two doors we all face. The back story telling us how, and why, the
brothers parted is door #1, anger.
Then
they both spent the next 20 years without seeing each other. Jacob was busy getting rich, and Esau had
time to cool off. That is like the space
between the anger door, and the second door marked reconciliation.
Both
brothers had walked through door #1 steeped in anger in the early part of life,
then languished in the unknown space leading up to the reunion. When confronted with each other after being
apart for 20 years, and being faced with door #2, they had to make a decision
what was going to govern the end chapters of their life; would they stay
controlled by anger, or swallow deeply and reconcile.
It
turned out that both Esau and Jacob wanted reconciliation. They just weren’t sure about the other until
the moment they faced each other. This
fact, that they wanted to be brothers again, never
occurred to me in all the times I’d read their story.
I
always knew Jacob didn’t want to die, and so he was somewhat forced to face
Esau and the anger he’d escaped 20 years prior.
Being confronted by a Mixed Martial Arts black belt angel, and the
throbbing pain of a dislocated hip joint, Jacob got his head handed to him, so
he hedged his bets and sent a gift ahead to buy Esau’s favor. And I figured when Esau heard Jacob was
headed his way, he probably wasn’t sure what was on his mind, so he gathered up
400 of his closest friends to accompany him, just in case Jacob didn’t come to
shake hands.
Seeing
the brother who had sworn to kill him, but now embraced him and kissed him, was
as welcome to Jacob as a breath of air to a drowning man, compared to what that
wrestling angel could have done to him. It
became clear to Jacob his family meant more to him than all the riches he’d
earned the previous twenty years.
For
Esau, we’re left wondering exactly what changed his mind about killing
Jacob. But we do see the smile on his
face in meeting his long, lost, slinky brother, Jacob. It
was a genuine, heartfelt welcome Esau gave to Jacob; the younger brother said, seeing
your friendly smile is like seeing the face of God.
We
have a story of two brothers who hadn’t seen each other for twenty years, who
had parted company angry and fearful, and now were confronted with what to do
with each other…would it be a fight to the death?
Which
door pray tell!
A
couple of observations about what had to give way for there to be reconciliation
between Esau and Jacob:
1.
Esau had the easier path
Esau
was the eldest of the brothers, and it was Jacob’s deception (on more than one occasion)
that had wronged his brother. Everything
about fairness and balance tells us Esau’s anger was somewhat justified. Except for wanting to murder his brother…that
is never acceptable.
But,
20 years is a long time, and Esau somehow had managed to let go
of the animus toward his brother. He may
have forgiven Jacob in absentia, or because he never saw him, even for family
holidays, his anger just cooled off.
However, it was certain something caused a change
in Esau, because he was ready to accept his brother back, even though Jacob had
stolen his birthright and blessing.
2.
Jacob had the harder task
Coming
to the place of confession that you were wrong is one of the most difficult
changes in human experience. That was
exactly the place Jacob was headed for the night before he was going to cross
the River Jabbok.
I
believe God engineered the whole scenario to push Jacob into that corner of
decision-making; he needed that wrestling match with the angel to come face to
face with his character, and, more importantly, face his disobedience to God. As stubborn, manipulative, deceptive, and
self-centered as Jacob was, it was going to take a lot of travail in rolling
around in the dust on the riverbank, and a dislocated hip to convince Jacob to
admit he owed Esau an apology.
That’s
common in many areas of human interactions.
So many relationships go sour because of stubbornness and pride that just
will not admit to being wrong. Many people refuse to accept Christ and
become part of a church, because that means confessing sins, and admitting
they’ve been out of place where God’s holiness is concerned. Nobody does that without some strong
convincing by the Holy Spirit to put aside pride and stubbornness. Some (perhaps many) manage to fight off God’s
offer of forgiveness and eternal life, but I’d hardly call that a victory.
Did Jacob REALLY change?
I
think so – in at least 3 ways:
·
He went from TAKER to GIVER
Jacob sent a fortune ahead
of him as a gift to his brother.
·
He went from SNEAK to SERVANT
When Jacob met Esau he didn’t say a word at first, he bowed in the dust
to him 7 times, a custom in the Middle East at that time, but the
self-centered, win-at-any-cost, in-any-way Jacob was long gone. He called himself the servant
of his brother, and called his Esau my lord, and my brother.
·
He went from EVIL to GODLY
By bowing, and respectfully placing himself below Esau, Jacob elevated
the need to make things right for his deception of the past. He put aside any concern for his own safety
or needs. He had learned the lesson of
wrestling with God’s angel – you don’t let go until the blessing comes. In this case, Jacob didn’t let go of the
humility he’d learned until Esau ran to embrace him and accept him…they reconciled…brothers
once more.
So, what does this mean for the 21st Century?
We
have something of an Esau and Jacob boiling anger pot
today. Just a few examples:
·
The Traditionalist brothers and
sisters in the Methodist tribe could certainly be Esau, upset with the actions
of the young, upstart Progressive Jacob siblings. There has been an informal
separation for many years, and the pot is once again at boiling temperature.
·
Esau and Jacob have their counterparts in the racism,
threats, riots, violence,
and protests that fill our land. And the hotter it gets in July, the greater
the temperature in the boiling pot.
·
There is even division over whether COVID-19 deserves
our discomfort of wearing masks. We have
Jacob freewheelers concerned only for themselves, and Esau cautionaries, not
wanting anyone to breathe.
Some
people today, perhaps like the 400 who went with Esau to meet Jacob’s return,
may have anger in their hearts, just looking for a little payback. Had Esau showed even a little of that, the
story may have been written in Jacob’s blood.
In
just the same way there are those today who are not serious about
reconciliation, or doing heart-justice; for them, it’s all about
payback for ancient wrongs, and seizing any rope to lynch even a bystander to
prove a point.
There’s
no reconciliation in some people’s hearts.
And they are as far from being in tune with God as a twenty-year-old
snowball in Hell.
And
that’s the whole point. Whether you’re
Esau or Jacob in the story – the one who was wronged, or the abuser, both men
came with reconciliation in the heart.
That is a rarity in today’s I want MY RIGHTS culture!
In
the unrest and violence we see today across generations, sexuality,
gender issues, all the rules, legalities, ordinances, and
power stands will never change a thing.
The battle began in the heart, just like it did when Cain got overcome
with anger towards his brother Abel.
The
battle for getting people to live in harmony was never about the laws of the
land, it’s always been about hate in the heart.
When
life gets rough you can get angry or you can get reconciled…but it is much like
the choice between walking through two doors…you just can’t do both.
Our
Lord, Jesus, Christ said:
“No one can
serve two masters. For you
will hate one and love the other; you will be devoted to one and despise the
other. You cannot serve God and be
enslaved to money. Matthew
6:24
Jesus
said that about love of money, but it’s just as true about loving the hatred we
hold in our hearts.
Our Prayer
Father
God, you’ve made it clear to us in so many ways that anger and violence will
have offspring…and none of it is ever pretty.
Lord, where we prone to be ‘young Esau’, ready to kill our brother when
the opportunity comes, help us to remember your cross, and that we’re already
guilty of murdering Heaven’s Prince. And
where we would be ‘young Jacob’, deceitful, taking what we can get, showing no
respect for others, help us to remember we’re already guilty of standing silent
while the crowd yells ‘crucify’.
In
all things, and at all times, help us to keep our lives rooted, grounded, and
operating in Your love, sensitive to Your Spirit, and ready to run from the
anger door, straight to the door of reconciliation.
For the glory, honor, and praise to which You alone are worthy, o Lord,
we pray in the Name of the Son, cooperating with the Spirit, to honor and exalt
the Majesty of the Father.
Let
it be so in each of our lives…Amen!
